Patience!

As we continue our look at the Fruit of the Spirit, today we come to Patience.

Oh boy….patience. There are two distinct types of patience, and to be honest, I don’t really excel at either. The first type is situational patience. This is the kind of patience we need when we are stuck on the interstate in traffic that IS NOT MOVING AT ALL. The patience it takes to endure Black Friday check-out lines, waiting at the doctor’s office for two hours (even though you had an appointment and actually managed to show up early), or maybe just the patience to make it to Friday, to our next vacation day, or though the end of this shift.

Those of us who aren’t good at situational patience often just don’t like waiting. We are busy, and for every minute that we are “losing,” we have a running tally in our head of the things we are not accomplishing because of this wasted time. We like to be efficient, and this “sitting around waiting on other people thing” is NOT that.

When we struggle with situational patience, though, we need to realize that our lives are NOT defined by accomplishments. I’m going to say that again, for the people like me who need to hear it about 50 million times a day. Our lives are MORE than what we get done. While checking boxes and crossing things off of a perfected to-do list may bring joy, it is not the be-all, end-all. The Bible reminds us over and over again that we need to be still. That our worth is not found in accomplishments, but in who we are as children of God. (One of my favorite places is in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.”)  While God gave us our gifts to use, He also wants us to take time to slow, and to sit with Him, and even just to sit with others and listen and rest.

When we take time to rest, we get the opportunity to see God in a new light. We learn things about Him when we take time to listen, and to actually become aware of the blessings, and even the trials, that we may not have previously been aware of. We also get the time to really get to know other people. We can grow in our empathy and relationships when we stop seeing people as a distraction or task, and take the time to listen and to truly love those around us.

So—the situational patience problem can be helped when we realize that we are not made ONLY to accomplish things. Check. (Just kidding, just kidding!)

On to the second type of patience, which is the one that can be even more messy—personal patience. This is the kind of patience that has to do with how much grace we give other people. This is the patience that we need when our teenager wrecks the 3^rd car in as many months, when our spouse decides that midnight, after you’ve already been asleep for an hour,  is the perfect time to crunch an entire bag of pretzels in bed, when your toddler refuses to just stay in bed, or when a coworker “just doesn’t notice” ALL of the things, leaving them for you to deal with.

I’m not great at this one, either. I want to be kind to others, but I also want them to do what I want them to do. I used to tell myself that I just held others to high expectations, and that it was fine, because I hold myself to high expectations. Both of those standards I have are true, but that doesn’t mean that they are both right. I’m slowly, and I mean S-L-O-W-L-Y, learning that if my life isn’t about performance and accomplishments, then the people-around-me’s lives are also not about performance and accomplishments. Mind blowing, right?!?

If God gives me room to make mistakes, over and over and over again, or even just room to sit and chill and do nothing, then who am I to not extend that same room to others? God call us to love as He loves, forgive as He forgives, and give grace as He gives grace. Is this fun? No. It is easy? Most definitely not. However, it can help to remember the size of the debts that God has forgiven you. When we are struggling to have patience, either with others or with situations, we can also stop and remember the true importance and long-lasting impact that this will have on our lives. And sure, somethings are big and hard and worth experiencing grief. And somethings are not.

We have a family cross-stitch in our home that says, “You are only as big as the things you let bother you.” On days when I am feeling impatient, or days when a family member “lovingly” reminds me of that sign, looking at it just makes me more angry. But, when I stop and listen to the words, it is good at helping me remember perspective. Am I just as big as the extra five minutes I had to wait in line for my coffee? Or just as big as the fight I’m having in my head with that person who just won’t do what I’ve asked them to do 45 times? Or…am I more? Does my worth lie in realms that I can’t even see, and does God love me beyond imagination, and not want me to get caught up in the small things that distract from my real purpose as His creation?

I’m choosing to go with that answer.